Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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