a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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