I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
