He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
