first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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