I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
