If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
