if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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