She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
