oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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