I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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