New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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