He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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