she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
