I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
