he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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