I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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