you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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