If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
