Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
