I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
