I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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