yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
