yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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