Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
