I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
