I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
