Define "chronic" masturbator.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
