i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
