Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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