One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
porn star boner night. come get it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
