he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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