I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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