I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
