Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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