Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
