oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I think i got beer on your cat.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
