Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
