did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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