you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
