ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
