Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
