So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
