are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
