if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
