i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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