tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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