she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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