i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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