my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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