i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
